(ed. note: not necessarily the view of ESCONI or its members or comment on anything specific - political satire.)
Queens University researchers have discovered the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv),
has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held
together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
lepton-like particles called pillocks.
Since Governmentium has no
electrons, it is inert. However, it can
be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of
Governmentium can cause a reaction that