The Onion has a funny post that details the Mariana Trench as the worst place to raise a child. A non-existent school system and utter darkness are listed among the reasons for the unfortunate rating.
“In all categories, the Mariana Trench consistently got our lowest marks as a good place to start a family,” the 14-page article read in part. “The school system is nonexistent, the nearest playground is 300 nautical miles away, and at over 15,000 pounds per square inch, the hydrostatic pressure is enough to crush a child in less than a second.”
“While the area does contain a low crime rate, that benefit is quickly negated by the Mariana Trench’s lack of a police department, not to mention fire, sanitation, highway, or public works departments,” the article continued.
The Mariana Trench, with zero acres of community parkland, a median household income of $000,000.00, and an unemployment rate of 100 percent, has held its spot as Parenting’s worst place to raise a child for seven consecutive years now, thanks largely to its un-family-friendly freezing temperatures and high concentration of exothermic bacteria.
According to the magazine, competition for the worst spot in the rankings was particularly fierce this year, with the Mariana Trench competing with locations as far-ranging as Mt. Everest, an industrial slaughterhouse, an iceberg drifting in the Arctic, St. Louis, and the cone of Hawaii’s Mauna Loa volcano.
